well this is the end.. of me and chara.. of this blog.. and of me as u kno me. it was over yesterday.. who am i to kid myself? i didnt want to believe it. there must be something wrong with me. well watever. ive decided to not give a shit anymore. i cant take much more of this. so yes. this will be my last post, theres no need for it anymore. i have nothing more to say. ive cleaned my room of all the things that remind me of him. put away all the pictures. why did i even bother? why does he have to be so hurtful? BECAUSE HES A GUY AND ALL GUYS ARE FULL OF SHIT.. do me a favour and DIE

so goodbye.
it was fun while it lasted
it always ends this way.
bad

If u dress sexy
he says you're a slut
If u don't dress nice
he says you're ugly
If u argue with him
he says you're stubborn.
If you're quiet
he says you're stupid
If u call him
he says you're needy nd clingy.
If he calls u
he says u shuld be grateful
If u don't love him
he'll try to win u
If u love him
hell leave u.
If u don't fcuk him
he'll say u don't love him,
If u do
he'll say you're easy.
If u tell him your problems
he'll say you're irritating,
If u don't
he'll say u don't trust him.
If u lecture him
he'll say you're bitchy,
If he lectures u
it's because he cares for u.
If u break a promise
u can't be trusted,
If he breaks it
he had too
If u cheat..
u expect it to be over
If he cheats..
he expects to be given another chance
...No matter wut, u just never win...

went to yorkdale for the 3rd time in a week lol. finaly found some places that were looking for people. a womens clothes store, eddie bauer, and roots. saw chara for about two minuites, just before his shift. he looked like crap.. he was there last night till almost 3am!! (shifts usualy end at 10, so he had like a fucking 14 hour shift) some idiot girl did all the transactions wrong, and he had to go back and do them all over again. anyways so yea at least this time i got a hug n kiss. i couldnt go visit him tho, hes getting in shit apparently, too many ppl are goin to see him lmao. so yea. oh, lol, while i was walking these two guys tried to talk to me, they were ok looking. i just said hi and kept walkin. saw bruno again too, but it was too busy so we didnt chat much... so thats all

i got tired of my blog layout, altho i really liked it, it was too dark for spring and too dark for my mood, although that hasnt been the best recently. and its not only blog colours that have been changing.. today i did something ive never done before, lol, i wore all white! white pants, white jacket. it looked so good. n i did my hair in pigtails LOL. i looked like a little kid, which is prolly why everyone felt they needed to take care of me today. esp chara. i went to yorkdale, in search of jobs. found one store that was hiring, but the manager wasnt there so i gotta go back tomorrow (mabey). went to the new zara store.. its huge!!! and so pretty! two floors lol.. went up the escalator to where chara was.. omg DAYUM did he look great! he was wearing the uniform today, a SUIT. like, jacket, shirt tucked in and everything LOL. alls i can say is he should always wear suits. no matter what. hah. and he had his hair cut that morning, shaggy which looked oh-so-good! and u shoulda seen his face when i walked in LOL. hes always told me to wear white. and i kno he likes braids. so hah. he loved it :) it was so funny tho, now that hes the head cashier, hes so busy. im not used to that :P lol. so i left cause i didnt wanna get him in shit.. walked over to bruno's work place but he wasnt there. walked around a bit, checked my phone, chara had called (from work, another privledge of being head cashier, getting to use the phone) so went back, n he said that he prolly wasnt gonna get a break, but if he did hed call me. so i left again, was walking back to the baguette place to get something to eat when this TOTALY hot guy, walking the opposite way, says very loudly to his friend 'here now, heres a nice girl' and gives me a huge smile, so i smile at him back, n he was like 'that was a compliment u kno, ur supposed to say thank you' hah so i just smile, n he was like 'im not leaving till ya do' LOL so i start laffing n im like 'thanks...' hot dayum he was good lookin! lol and my type too, tall n dark. yumm.. lol so then i sit at the baguette place for 45 min, had a danish and read a magazine. then chara calls.. he wasnt gonna get a break today. so then im like 'ok im gonna go home' n he was all like 'sorry.. be careful, call me when u get home and leave a message on my phone so i know u got home safe'  :) which i thought was sweet. he should be getting off some time around now....

so yea... saw chara today. for about 5 minuites. literaly. went to yorkdale in time just to say hi at the end of his break. he was all dirty lol. theyr setting up the new store. he was wearing a green shirt.. i liked it. green is his colour. so we were standing there talking and antonio walks by haha.. hes still the same gino, but hes cuter. i got a kiss. hah, right in front of chara. so he had to go back, poor guy. 12 hour shift :S fucking nuts. so then we go to he baguette place, saw bruno, talked to him for like 10 min. went to the pet place, felt like buying everything there lol. so on the way to the subway, i see my friend chris, from drawing class lmao. saw so many ppl today. then went home.. and a little while later chara calls to see if we were still there, he had another break. :( aww then i felt bad. so HOPEFULLY we get to hang out on tuesday. *sigh*

you think you know a person.. youve known them for so long. they know everything, and i mean everything about you. yet you still hardly know them. by their choice, not yours. of course its not called lying if its lying by omission. lying to make the other person feel better. to keep them happy. well i dont think thats fair. they should be given the choice to judge with all the facts, not with only the half that they want u to see. does it really matter what theyr reaction would be? thats a consequence u chose when u did the thing, then compounded it when u lied by omission. u should be big enough to take what u get because u deserve all of it. its a great way to make a person hate u. especially if they hate being lied to. even more than the thing u did, watever it may be. hey.. shoulda been expecting this. not like its never happend before? now what do i do? well ive made my decision. last night. i just dont care anymore. do whatever. but be big enuff to understand what u did, and why this happend. and if ur not, then i have alot more thinking to do. nothing u do can make it up to me. just like the last time.. but this is worse. u told me about that one. and im still not ever going to forgive u. u cant see it from my perspective and im not gonna bother trying to make u see. mabey im the one who needs to be hit over the head with a two by four. who knew? i guess i trust people too much. id rather believe they are good, but from now on ive got to think otherwise. saves me the trouble of finding out later. if u expect the worse and u get it, theres no surprises. if u expect the worse and u get better, well u just got lucky. fuck it. fuck it all.

awwww.. my baby got promoted!!! head cashier WOOT!!!!!!! thats so f*ckin awesome!! considering hes only been there for less then three months LOL. yeeeeHAW

ok well mabey not forever... BUT FIVE MONTHS!!! WOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

teehee... so yea :) finished my exams, SO early.. but meh. they went as well as to be expected, in that i hardly had time to study... in the last three days ive prolly written over 30 pages, by hand. ouch!! lol my wrist hurts.

things are going better with chara too.. :) yay! aww i miss him...

i finaly got to see chara today.. after almost 2 weeks. i went down there for his break, i got there at 3:30, an hour and a half early.. so i went there and hung out a bit till he was free lol.. then he pulled me to the back and kissed me haha :) so then hes like 'hey i can do that thing...' and walked away to his manager.. they wanted him to take his break at 4 instead cause some girl was leaving at 5 n they wouldnt have anyone there for the hour he was on break.. his manager was like 'is that ok? i dont want to ruin any plans for u two' LOL she was very nice :) so i walked around like an idiot for another little bit, him sending me all over the store to see his favourite things.. then he finaly went on brake and we went to mickey d's for lunch or dinner depending on how u look at it.. we were there for about a half hour just talkin.. then he wanted to go to guess.. so on the way there i gave him the pendant i made him, its a large peice of amethyst i wrapped with silver wire. it was a really pretty peice too, very deep purple. its supposed to bring good luck.. anyways he looooooved it!!! said its exactly wat hes been looking for, for a long time, n that hes gonna wear it everyday. :) yay!!! im glad he loved it lol. a loooong time ago i said id make one for him.. im talkin about like almost 2 years ago lol... the last time i saw him i was wearing one i made for myself and he was like 'hey i remember that' so i decided to make him one and surprise him. :) anywho so we go to guess to look for a pair of jeans but they didnt have em.. he asked this salesguy about them and the entire time he was talking the salesguy was talkin to me even tho i didnt say a word to him LOL. so then we had to run back cause it was almost time.. he showed me some cowboy boots that he likes, theyr ok lol. theyr brown. anyways so we get to the store n hes like 'ill be right with u...' lol i felt like a coustomer.. so i wander around aimelessly for a little while, then i got bored so i went to sit outside.. as soon as i sat down he came looking for me, so i got up n he spotted me.. he came outside to meet me which i dont think he was supposed to do lol.. then he said that id see him soon n to not be upseat. then he kissed me.. n went back inside.. so i thought i was gonna be there till six, but i was free at five so i went to yorkdale for a lil bit then came home.. so im sitting in front of the comp and some strange number calls my cell.. im like 'hello...' (im always cautious that its gonna be andy) then the persons like 'hey wats up?' im like 'who is this..' n theyr like '[chara]' me being blonde im like '...wat?' n theyr like 'u kno, [chara], ur boyfriend' LOL it didnt sound like him AT ALL!! so yea.. he called me from work.. while still on duty lmao.. aparently there was no one at the store and he was bored lol. then i asked him if he liked today.. n he said 'i called u didnt i' :) so we talked for a couple min, then a coustomer came.. aww lol. so yea today with him has been a great day!!

n ryan, just remember wat i said last nite, u can count on me!!

by ozzy osbourne... now ok, i realize that im too young to be a fan of his older works but i do know that this guy bit the head off of a bat. i love this song, the older version. hell i even like the way ozzy sings it. but dammnit wats happend to him?? lol... first that song 'changes' with kelly (another one which i liked).. and now this :S its sad.